Why would anyone want to become a Unicorn?

Why would anyone want to become a unicorn in the swinger and polyamorous communities? 

It seems like a wild dream with all the dates, drinking, drugs, partying, and sex. This role allows them to freely explore their sexual desires without facing societal judgment, often resulting in enjoyable and liberating experiences. But let's examine the real-life challenges and intricacies of being a unicorn. When we talk about "unicorns" in the swinger lifestyle, we're usually referring to women who are willing to join couples sexually. Some single females do not like to be referred to as unicorns, so to emphasize that they are individuals, full and complete beyond the role of a unicorn, I'll call them "single females in the lifestyle" here to avoid offending some.

         In the swinger lifestyle, being a single female comes with a kind of satisfaction and liberation. It’s about being wanted and desired by many, which can really boost someone's self-esteem and provide a powerful sense of validation and empowerment. Single females in the lifestyle often cherish the freedom to explore sex with multiple partners, diving into a range of experiences that promise both liberation and pleasure. However, the role of a unicorn isn’t all glamour and satisfaction. Once the initial excitement is over, many single females find that they are treated more like objects than friends. They feel used and disposable, which can be both demeaning and hurtful to people. While this status can be appealing and opens up a world of sexual freedom not typically available in the vanilla world, while many females love casual sex with no strings attached and no friendship, there are many single females who are also looking to make genuine friendships in this lifestyle. Unfortunately, many couples and even single males mislead them into thinking they are friends, only to quickly dispose of them once their immediate desires are fulfilled. Even trying to get a relationship can be challenging for single females in the lifestyle, both swinger and monogamous. In the swinger lifestyle, finding a serious relationship is often complicated by perceptions of their sexual appetite. Single females frequently face skepticism about their intentions or find that single males expect exclusivity from them without reciprocating the same level of commitment or respect. On the other hand, pursuing a relationship within the monogamous lifestyle presents its own set of challenges for a female in the swinger or polyamorous lifestyle. The need to conceal their past experiences in the swinger lifestyle is common, as such activities are generally less accepted in the traditional monogamous lifestyle. This concealment can lead to situations where the single female, even if in a committed monogamous relationship, might secretly return to lifestyle parties to reconnect with that part of her identity. The stakes are high, too. If feelings start to develop, whether it's on the part of the single female or someone in the couple, it’s often the single female who is usually blamed for any complications in the relationship. This unfair assignment of blame can lead to feelings of isolation and distress, complicating what might already be a delicate situation.

       Also, in the polyamorous lifestyle, the experiences of single females can be quite different yet equally challenging. They often find themselves feeling like secondary partners, missing out on benefits like overnight stays, full emotional support, and being openly acknowledged in public. Imagine needing to seek permission for the simplest relational acts, like coming over to cuddle or going out on a date, only to be denied because someone in the primary relationship objects. Indeed, if a single female joins an already established relationship, it's her responsibility to respect their existing boundaries. However, it can be incredibly disheartening when, despite being invited into a relationship by two people, she often ends up feeling isolated and alone. Moreover, the imbalance becomes more pronounced when she realizes that the other partner doesn't need to consult her for similar permissions, reinforcing her secondary status within the relationship.  This exclusion can make them feel like outsiders in a relationship where they are supposed to be integral members of a trio or group. Additionally, the rules and restrictions in these relationships can be stifling, especially if a single female finds herself exclusive to the couple. This limits their ability to pursue their own relationships or even set boundaries, which chips away at their independence.

      Both scenarios highlight the complex dynamics and challenges that single females face in these alternative lifestyle structures. So, while being a single female in these settings can offer thrilling and empowering experiences, it comes with real-life challenges that need careful handling.

-Written by an anonymous newbie unicorn for a college course on ethics and relationships.