Things to know before jumping into the Lifestyle!
The Dos and Don’ts of Lifestyle.
Do:
Ask before touching. This doesn’t mean sometimes… This means ALWAYS. A great rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t do it to someone in a grocery store without asking, don’t do it in a Lifestyle situation either.
Be upfront about what you're looking for. Whether it be on an app or in person at an event. Share pictures of you both, and exactly the dynamic you are looking for. Don’t try to pretend you're a single girl to get attention, then have a partner suddenly appear. I can’t tell you the amount of times this happens to us on apps. It is the quickest way to get blocked.
Report any unwanted touching or harassment to security, or staff immediately. Report any assault to the police immediately. Do not feel bad for sticking up for yourself. It is important to keep the community safe.
Check in with your partner regularly. See how they are feeling, if they are having a good time, etc.
Reconnect with your partner after any Lifestyle experience or event. This can be sex or just conversation, but making sure you are both putting in the effort towards each other.
Read profiles before you message people on apps. See what they are looking for and if you think you fit that.
Use good Hygiene! This should be self explanatory, but nobody wants to play with anyone with bad breath, dirty nails, body odor, etc.
Do Not:
Approach a couple and ask for only the wife or husband to play. Poaching is a huge no no in the Lifestyle, you first need to understand their dynamic and play style. Many couples only play together so this can't be extremely rude and a turnoff for most people.
Men don’t throw a hissy fit iif things downstairs stop working.
Approach the opposite sex when the other partner isn’t around. Until you know someone's dynamic this can come across as shady. It happens a lot to women at events. Men will wait until the husbands go to the restrooms to approach a woman. If you want to talk to them, do so when they are together.
Take one for the team, or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Take rejection personally. You may not be everyone’s vibe, or your dynamics might not align, and that is ok.
Expect to play every time you go to an event. It can be hard to make connections in just the few short hours you are there. Don’t let this bring you down or ruin your experience.
Drink or do drugs in access. This can lead to boundaries being crossed and non-consensual activities.
Change your boundaries in the heat of the moment. It may sound hot, but these are discussions you need to have with your partner first, and you don’t want to regret anything afterward.
Things we wish we would have known before getting into the Swinger Lifestyle
Here are some things we wish we would have known before getting into the Lifestyle and wish someone would have told us. Of course, everyone’s journey is going to be different, and it can take years to find your groove, but it’s always good to go into a new situation with a little advice.
Put your partner first. Always make sure you are prioritizing their feelings.
You do NOT owe anyone anything. Set boundaries and protect your peace. The lifestyle is personal; this is your body, and you are entitled to your boundaries and respect. You also don’t have to answer every message or DM you get. You don’t owe anyone your time, either. This is supposed to be a fun hobby, and you should never feel uneasy or pressured to do something you aren’t 100% ready for.
It is not easy to find people you connect with. You will get on apps and see there are alot of people, but then finding a multi-way connection and attraction can be difficult. It is also hard to get people’s schedules with kids, jobs, and life to align. You can’t give up and just have to be patient.
The Lifestyle can be expensive! I had no idea how much everything was going to cost. Of course, you can do the Lifestyle cheaply if you need to. It’s not mandatory to spend money, but paying for apps, dinners out, hotel rooms, babysitters, club membership fees, event tickets, travel if you don’t live near a club, and of course, new outfits for every theme night can definitely add up. You just have to be selective about what events you want to attend and what is worth it to you to spend money on.
Burnout can be a real thing. When you first jump into the Lifestyle, you will spend a lot of time on apps and talking to others. This can get exhausting over time, and it is ok to take a step back and take a break.
Your boundaries can and will change over time. When you begin your Lifestyle journey, you won’t know exactly what to expect or what you like until you experience things. It's ok to let your wants and desires evolve. Communicate this with your partner and adjust your boundaries as you go.
Do NOT let the lifestyle go to your head. We have definitely seen this happen over the years. After years of monogamy and only attention from your partner, it can be extremely confidence-boosting or have others paying attention to you. It’s like the book “If you give a mouse a cookie…” This is where we have seen it destroy relationships. You have to try to keep your ego in check and stay humble.
-The Impulsive Duo (Taken from their Swingin' for Newbies Guide)